I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
