when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize