hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
