Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
