What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
