Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
