dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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