What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
