Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
