shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize