I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
