Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
