Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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