plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize