I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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