Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
