I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
