So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize