I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His nipple licking is glorious
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