i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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