I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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