In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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