I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i love accidental penises.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
