who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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