Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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