so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your penis caused this!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
