Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
