She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
