I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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