That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
