just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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