didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize