It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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