Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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