tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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