Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
