My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
