first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
