I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need to sanitize my soul.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
