hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
