If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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