He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
