So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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