I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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