do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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