UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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