Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
