I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
