I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
