She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
