Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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