Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
