Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
