Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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