somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
