we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
