I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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