We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
