We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize