My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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