i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dicks are not precious.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
