Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
