Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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