When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
