Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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