Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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