she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
