What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
