I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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