My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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