Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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