i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
