Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
